MATRIARCHAL AND PATRIARCHAL SYSTEMS AMONG HINDUS & POSITION OF WOMEN AS PER VEDAS AND NOW . - CONTINUATION


Friends,

Before you read this article, kindly keep your calm since, I am writing about certain systems which are prevailing even now, and I do not mean by writing this to cast aspersions against any individual or caste.

Long before and even afterVedic period started , all Hindus most probably adopted a system in which Matriarchy was prevalent. With the advancement of Vedic period and the caste system was adopted as per the KARMA one performed., Matriarchy slowly gave way to patriarchy. However in certain parts of India, like North eastern states and Kerala MATRIARCHICAL SYSTEM is still prevalent.

In Matriarchal system , the off springs lean towards mother’s side and in Patriarchal System , towards father’ s side. To make it clear, the off springs are mother’s property in Matriarchal system i.e. they belong to the mother’s clan and the off springs are father’s property and belong to father’s clan in Patriarchal system. A girl child also belongs to father’s clan till she is married or given in KANYAA DAAN.

Again , in matriarchy, after the marriage, the husband lives in his wife’s house depending on the pleasure of his wife or till he is fed up with her and in Patriarchy the girl goes to the husband’s house In fact in patriarchy when a girl is married , her lineage or GOTHRAM is changed and becomes the husband’s Gothram. Even if father or mother of the girl dies she observes three days mourning or PULA whereas when the husband’s mother or father dies she has to observe 10 days’ mourning and perform all religious rites with her husband. Even after the husband’s death the wife belongs to the husband’s house.

In matriarchal system the mother is supreme and father has no place. Even when the husband dies the wife and their children need not observe any mourning. These rites are bestowed on the husband’s sister’s son. In matriarchy , the word KANYAKA DAANAM or KALYANAM is not used but in KERALA they call it as PUTAMURI.
I do not know what is the name used in other states. I remember, when I was a child a certain Lady called LAKSHMI AMMA used to come to our house to teach my younger sister. She had about 5 children at that time. The eldest daughter of Lakshmi Amma, by name Parukutty was my class mate and her father was a KARTHA. Each child was born to a different father. The youngest one was born to a MOOTHAAN. She used to tell this to my mother. This is because, the man leaves the woman when he is fed up with her or the woman leaves the man when she thinks, he is unfit.

MATRIARCHAL MARRIAGE ( SAMBANDAM)

This is the most simple ceremony. The man who wants to have a sexual relationship with a Nair girl should give her a Dhotti called MUNDU in front of a KUTHU VILAKKU (lamp). The Karanavar or VALIA AMMAVAN and the Senior most lady of the bride’s family will bless the bride and give consent for this arrangement. After this, the man will spend some days with the girl and go back to his House. In fact this arrangement is by mutual consent and at any point of time can be dissolved either by the man or by the woman.

Please note that such things do not happen now-a-days , in general, as nuclear Family system is in vogue. However, such systems do prevail in very tiny villages of KERALA even now. Further, both sons and daughters have equal rights on the property of father and motheras per the new Hindu Law.

Coming to the property rights in Marumakkathayam System, all the children of the woman’s family to which they belong have the right to the ancestral property of the woman. However, they have no rights to their father’s ancestral property. A man can give to any one his personal property ( both movable and immovable ) which he made with the money which is self earned.

In this system no dowry is asked by the man who marries ( Sambandam) a nair girl .But the person who perform PUTAMURI with a nair girl gives her and her children born to him lot of movable and immovable property. Generally, among NAMBOOTHIRI Brahmins in olden times had a system. Only the eldest male member of the family was permitted to marry a Namboothiri girl called (ANTHARJANAM), whom they call as “ VELi” and others were to live as brahmacharis. This system although did not work well , since attraction towards opposite sex is a natural phenomena, and sexual urge cannot be controlled, was intended only to check the propagation of the dynasty. Hence most of the NAMBOOTHIRI youths who were born as 2nd, 3rd issues etc. went for illicit relationship with nair girls who were either AMBALA VASIS , or maid servants of the Namoodiri Illams or to cetain nair houses,doors of which were opened to them. I heard, that there was a practice among Nairs, that when any nair girl attains puberty, she should be first given to a Namboothiri. I do not know, whether this is a fact or not. Because of this relationship. Even now, we can see many nairs are strict vegetarians. Nairs include all AMBALAVASIS such as MARAR, VARRIER, MENON, NAMBIARS WITHOUT HOLI THREAD, ERADIS, VALLODYS ETC. I am not ashamed to state that my maternal grand father’s elder brother had a Sambandam with a Nair woman and have issues in her. He also died in her house, and later his body was brought to his house. This was common in those days. This is an example for a typical Matriarchal System.

With the advent of nuclear families among Nairs, lot of male members are asking dowry, if they are to marry a Nair Girl. Nairs have started living with their husbands and children. However, even now most of them follow matriarchal lineage only. In fact the dowry system is more among Nairs than among Iyers. Further, most of them in cities including small towns have only one Husband and do not leave them till one of them dies. Of course, if they are young, they remarry. This happens in other castes too.

We can find such systems in some species of Animals, birds, insects etc. If you notice bees, you will find in a bee hive there is only one RANI or Queen. There is a male bee which is fed all the time properly but does not work at all, except having intercourse with the QUEEN bee, rather it is meant for sexual pleasures of the QUEEN BEE. Other bees who are in the particular bee hive, are servants but born to the QUEEN. This is a typical matriarchal family where the QUEEN is the sole authority. The same way, we can find this system among ANTS, BISONS, ELEPHANTS, WHALES, LIONS etc.

PUTAMURI is not as sacrosanct as VIVAAHA. The definition of VIVAHA is “ vishesheNa vahathi “ meaning by vivaaha, a woman or lady gets certain rights which she can not get otherwise. A Pathni is one who stand by her Pathi. In Sanskrit she is defined as “pathi Am vrathE thishtathi” ithi pathni.


In manu Smrithi we can also find the position of women among Hindus described .i.e. how to treat women :-
“Women should be nurtured with every, tenderness and attention by their fathers, their brothers, their husband, and their brother-in-law, if they desire great prosperity.”
“Where women live in affliction, the family soon becomes extinct, but when they are lovedand respected, and cherished with tenderness, the family grows and prospers in all circumstances.”
Furtheer , to prove that Hindus kept their women folks on great esteem, I can show many number of examples. “Shakti is the fundamental strength of the feminine that infuses all life and is viewed as a goddess. Shakti is the divine feminine power found in everything. “ From Harappa it was found some female statutes, and there are evidence, from time immemorial the Adi or AADYA SAKTHI worship or Prakruti or Mother earth worship started. An oblong seal found from Harappan excavation site depicts Mother Goddess with a plant growing from her womb, a man with knife in hand , and a woman with raised hands . Along with this , some Shiva Lingas and Yonis in stone was also found. This shows that both male and female had equal place in Hindu religion. “ In Hinduism, all power, shakti, is female. So, the female represents the totality of the power, and the male is imaged as the agent of the female. Also, in Hinduism, the sun is female and the moon is male; he is born of her, dies into her, and is born of her again every month. Shiva, this great power, is the Moon God. Parvati, his consort, is the Sun power. And although the worship in the masculine-oriented action systems in India is directly to Shiva, it's to the goddess Kali, that the worship finally goes. So that, actually, in India, Kali is the great divinity. .....the Hindu goddess Kali...is shown standing on the prostrate form of the god Shiva, her spouse. She brandishes the sword of death, i.e., spiritual discipline. The blood-dripping human head tells the devotee that "he that loseth his life for her sake shall find it." The gestures of "fear not" and "bestowing boon" teach that she protects her children, that the pairs of opposites of the universal agony are not what they seem, and that for one centered in eternity the phantasmagoria of temporal "goods" and "evil" is but a reflex of the mind-as the goddess, herself, though apparently trampled down the god, is actually his blissful dream.” …….” Education for girls was regarded as quite important. While Brahmin girls were taught Vedic wisdom, girls of the Kshatriya community were taught the use of the bow and arrow. The Barhut sculptures represent skilful horsewomen in the army. Patanjali mentions the spear bearers (saktikis). Megasthenes speaks of Chandragupta's bodyguard of Amazonian women. Kautilya mentions women archers (striganaih dhanvibhih). In houses as well as in the forest Universities of India, boys and girls were educated together. Atreyi studied under Valmiki along with Lava and Kusa, the sons of Rama. Fine arts like music, dancing and painting was specially encouraged in the case of girls.
Girls had UPANAYANA performed for them and carried out the SANDHYA rites. A young daughter who has observed brahmacarya should be married to a bridegroom who is learned like her." (Yajur Veda VIII.1). Seclusion of women was unknown in the Vedic times. Young girls led free lives and had a decisive voice in the selection of their husbands. On festive occasions and at tournaments (samana) girls appeared in all their gaiety. Women had a share in the property of the father, and they were sometimes allowed to remain unmarried, with their parents and brothers. The Atharva Veda refers to daughters remaining with their parents until the end of their lives. A part of the ancestral property is given to them as dowry, which becomes their own property, and is called stridhana in later writings. "Home is not what is made of wood and stone; but where a wife is, there is the home." (sanskrit: na grham kasthapasanair dayita yatra tad grham - Nitimanjari, 68) – S. Radhakrishnan. Another fact I observed in Hindu Puranas are Hindu women were allowed to marry many men. Take the case of Panchali. She married all the so called Pandavas. The wife of Bali, TARA , married Sugriva, after the death of Bali. The story of Mahabharatha it self starts from Sathyavathi, whose name was Matsyagandhi a fisher caste woman and who was the daughter of the fisher folk chief, who had a son from the great sage Parasara, whose names are Krishna Dwaipayana alias Bhadrayana alias Vyasa, later married King Shantanu, from whom she had two sons. Both the sons died without children and Sathyavathi asked her son born to Maharshi Parasara who was a Rishi, to produce children to the widows , Ambika and AmbAlika, of his half brother, Vichithra Veera, Unfortunately both the ladies did not like the appearance of the sage and hence, one closed her eyes when the saint approached due to his ugly and black coloured face and hence the son born to her (DHRITHARASHTRA) became blind, and after that , when he approached his brother’s 2nd wife, she became pale and hence got a son who called PANDU who was very much pale. Both the brothers had no issues. While one gave birth to a flesh after two years, the other got children from different people. The piece of flesh given birth by Ambika, was put in 101 pots and from them came 101 . children.(Probably the present days’ ( TEST TUBE BABIES). In the beginning the freedom given to the Hindu women folk was superior to any woman belonging to any other religion. Again to site about the position of women in Hindu society here is a Sloka “ ahalya, draupathi, kunthi – tArA mandOdari thathha – Panchakanya smare nithyam mahApAthaka nASanaM”. Now, let us take one by one. Ahalya was the wife of Maharshi Gauthama who was seduced by Indra and who was cursed by her husband to take the shape of STONE. Draupathi married five brothers, the illicit sons of Kunthi, Now I do not like to say about Kunthi, Mandodari was the concubine of Lord Shiva and later married Ravana. From this, it is clear that Hindu society in the beginning had given maximum liberties to Hindu Ladies. “Hinduism believes even today that a woman who devotes her entire life to the well-being of her husband is a “Pativrata” and is endowed with numerous powers usually attained by sages and it is said that even Gods can’t match their power. In the Tantra philosophy the female aspirant is looked upon as an embodiment of Shakti and is worshipped through rituals like Kumari puja (virgin worship) and Shakti Upasana (Goddess worship). Among Shaktiates women are always treated with great respect. Kumari puja is mostly conducted in Bengal. In this ceremony, a twelve year old girl from a Brahmin family is installed on a pita (a stool), dressed up like the image of Shakti and worshipped accordingly. Agricultural pursuit changed the society again in which the father, instead of the mother assumed the role of the head of the family. Western historians over emphasized this fact of the period and wrote that women were obliged to abide by the rules of men. This shift could have taken place when the population got settled giving up their nomadic pursuits, to work on farms and agricultural lands while the women managed the household with many children. In their previous nomadic life, families were small with limited number of children and women had sole control of the family. Lot of research has gone into the status of ancient and medieval arts like temple sculptures, cave paintings, fine arts and ancient tradition, in which status of women indicates occupying a prestigious position. Hindu aesthetic tradition in the ancient and medieval times regarded women as an aspect of the Great Mother of all life, a vessel of fertility and life in full sap. The ideas of Indian art viewed every woman, a Goddess. This has a parallel to the Great Goddess of Fertility Gaia, the Earth, with mountains, caves and earth’s waters considered as a woman and a Mother. Ancient art in many forms and old traditions reveal the true history on the Status of Women in ancient and medieval India. The ancient traditions of India have always identified the female of the species with all that is sacred in nature. It is not always the warrior woman who is identified with the Goddess, but also a woman as playful, lovable, and of course as the mother. A kick of a woman was sufficient and necessary for blossoms of spring time. From the sacred Ashoka tree,. an entire ceremony has developed around this theme. Women dance around this tree and gently kick to bring it to bloom. By her mere touch the fertilizing power of woman is supposed to be transferred to the tree, which then bursts into flowers. All things that arise from the earth in the form of vegetative life mirror the great generative function of the Goddess. The female figure is an obvious emblem of fertility because of its association with growth, abundance and prosperity. A tree that has come to flower or fruit will not be cut down; it is treated as mother, a woman who has given birth. The metaphoric connections between a tree and woman are many and varied. A relevant one here is that the word for flowering and menstruation is the same in Sanskrit. In Sanskrit a menstruating woman is called “Pushpavati”, “a woman in flower”. Note : This is not appealing me. In fact, I feel PUSPAVATHI means , attained the age to bear fruit., since fruit comes out of flower. * It is interesting to note that the decoctions made from the bark of the same Ashoka tree, are used to soothe menstrual cramps and excessive blood loss during menstruation as recommended in Ayurveda. The bark decoction relieves the pain and tension related to menopause. Vedas consider river as the primordial womb. Any kind of creativity of bestowing of life seems to evoke a symbolism of motherhood. This explains the common practice of calling the rivers “mother” a custom which is most noticed in the case of river Ganges but common to many other rivers as well. This correlation explains the common practice of calling rivers as Mother Goddess. This shows the high respect given to motherhood and woman in Hindu practice. Ancient art texts known as Silpa Shastras confirm that the potency of woman‟s fertility and its equation with growth, abundance and prosperity led to women becoming a sign of the auspicious. In fact, women served as apotropaic (a ritual to ward off evil) function whereby their auspiciousness was magically transferred to the monument upon which they were sculpted and painted. A royal palace, a Buddhist Stupa, Hindu shrine gained auspiciousness and fortune when adorned with the figure of a woman. A text of the tenth century, the Shilpa Prakasaha, that provides guidelines for practicing temple architects and sculptures categorically states that figures of women are a pre-requisite on the walls of temples. Its choice of phrase underscores the significance of the theme—“as a house without a wife, as a frolic without a woman the monument will be inferior quality will bear no fruit.. Thus by the mere addition of feminine images it was believed that the whole complex could become sacred and auspicious. In fact the same text lists the different types who best sanctify a monument and instructs the sculptor on how to exactly carve the figures. The most important of these feminine images are: a) a woman dancing; b) a woman adjusting her anklets; c) a woman drummer; d) a mother with her infant in her arms; e) a woman smelling a lotus; f) a woman playing with a parrot. In ancient times, a woman dancer was considered an inseparable part of any ritual worship in temples. Every temple of consequence had attached to it one or more dancers. Such women were known as Devadasis. The sacred dancers were symbolically married off to the presiding deity of the temple. Thus an “ordinary” woman was found holy enough to be married off to God, the lord of the temple. The transformation of the ordinary girl into Devadasi was marked by important rituals, after the completion of which the woman was considered “an ever auspicious woman” (nityasumangali). The traditional view holds that all women, by their very nature, share the power of the goddess. The devadasi initiation rites celebrate the merger of her individual female power with those of Goddess. It is this quality of ” eternal auspiciousness‟ in a woman that brought into existence this tradition since ancient times. The importance of devadasis can be gauged from the fact that their presence was deemed necessary at the slightest event in the temple, for example bathing the deity in the morning or waving the sacred fire lamp in front of him. An important ritual was the participation in the twilight worship held at sunset. The junction of twilight, when the day slips into night, is considered extremely dangerous, and so the gods need all the support and attendance they can get. The ritual of waving the lighted lamp by a devadasi was considered the most effective method of warding off inauspicious state for the divine. Dance of course remained their most accomplished contribution; indeed the life of a devadasi required a strict adherence to dancing schedule and practice. Dance is potentially both sensual and hypnotic. Its passion performance helped to evoke the atmosphere of temple as a place removed from the mundane world, the temple as a celestial abode of the deity. Even mythology does not look down upon celestial dancing girls like Urvasi, Menaka and Rambha who got into all sorts of problems time and again. The relationship of the body, senses, mind, intellect and soul is articulated in the Upanishads and is seminal to the world view where body is regarded as the abode of the divine and the divine descends in the body. Logically, the body, beautiful is the temple of God and dance is a medium of invoking the divine within. Each form of dance—the stance, the movement and the context—is imbued with deep spiritual and symbolic significance. Dance reflects a state of being at the highest order of spiritual discipline (saadhana) and is hence considered yoga. Its performance is a higher transcendental order. It is the medium which evokes the supreme state of bliss (aananda) and also the vehicle of release (Moksha). Through the medium of dance, a woman embodies the pro -genitive powers of cosmic energy, through which, according to ancient dance treatise (Natya sastra ”the entire phenomenal world is kindled to life‟. The system in course of time degenerated to sex exploitation. “ I am of the opinion that for this degeneration “Poojaaris and the so called lords. and the kings are responsible..

*Note :- “ The medicine is made with Jeevaka, rishabhaka and ApamArga added in cetain proportion.Among this , Jeevaka is not at all available now.” Bangalore Venkatraman in “
“Muhrtha “

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. Friends. before I started the topic, I had told all of you, not to get emotional while reading this article, since I am not writing this on the basis of any religion or caste but by certain facts. The practice of giving more freedom to ladies existed long back. The system of SWAYAMWARA was in vogue in Thretha Yuga and Dwapara Yuga. The marriage of Lord Rama was a swayamvara. In Kaliyuga too the marriage of SAMYUKTHA was by Swayamvara. Hence, ladies were given and even now being given the ultimate freedom , to choose their husband although parents take the initiative to select their bridegrooms. However, ladies are cleverer than men and intelligent too. This is because a woman is right brained which stands for creativity, instincts, radical thought, originality etc. Here are some of the functions of Right brained and left brained persons. :-

LEFT BRAIN FUNCTIONS RIGHT BRAIN FUNCTIONS
Uses logic Uses feelingDetail oriented “Big picture” orientedFacts rule Imagination rulesWords and language Symbols and imagesPresent and past Present and PastMath and science Philosophy & ReligionCan comprehend “Can get it”Knowing BelievesAknowledges Appreciates Order/pattern perception Special perception Knows object name Knows object functionReality based Fantacy basedForms strategies Present possibilities Practical ImpetuousSafe Risk taking
But a man is left brained and only can control actions. That is why it is said , a Dharma Pathni’s one attribute as “kAryEshu manthri”. Certain duties are prescribed for ladies, especially by Manu, because according to him ladies are cleverer and highly intelligent, and might misuse the liberty given to them. In fact , in a VIKRAMADITHYA story it is said “KOLAI SAIVAAL PATHNI”. To achieve her goal woman may use any foul means, since she is more intelligent than man.

Even the great Epic Ramayana describes how Kaikeyi , to achieve her goal of making her son the Crown Prince made her husband to die with anguish In Mahabharatha ANUSHAASANA PARVA, when Dharmaputhra asked Bhishma Pithaamaha as to why women are said to be the too frail and root of all evils, Bhisma Pithamaha said that , the same question was answered by an APSARA by name Pancha Chooda, to Narada, the great DEVARSHI. What she said was “ Even if a woman is born in a family of higher status in society and being well protected , still they transgress the restraints assigned to them . Women , even if they are possessed with husbands who are famous and wealthy and have handsome features and obey or do whatever their wife’s said, will disregard their husbands if they get the right opportunity. Panchachuda’s dialogue with Devrishi Narada is very lengthy and is full of disapproval of women’s nature, even though she herself was woman.

Again in Bhagavat Gita, Chapter 9 Verse 32, Lord Krishna says “ mAm hi pArttha vyapASrithya yE/pi syu pApa yOnayaH:
SthriyO vaiSyAsthatthA SUdrAsthE/pi yAnthi parAhathim.” From this verse we can infer that they are “pApa yOniya”.

The meaning of this verse is “Oh! Arjunah : Women, vaisyas and Shudras who are of sinful birth will attain PARAAGATHI if they take refuge in me.”

To cite another example, in Maha Bharatha, KUNTHI DEVI who gave birth to a Son, KARNA by name, after she had illicit connection with SUN GOD before her marriage, threw her son in the river , to save herself from ignominy, and who was rescued by a charioteer, did not reveal this truth till Karna’s death . This she revealed only to keep up her words given to KARNA , who promised her that she would have FIVE SONS alive after the battle, and asked her a boon that she would keep his head on her lap, when he died and will cry loudly saying “Oh, SON KARNA! “.

In Thulasi Ramayana, Lord Rama says to Narada, Oh venerable Sage, “powerful army of ignorance constitutes of pride , greed , anger and Lust. Etc. However among them the most troublesome and fiercest is MAYA CALLED WOMAN.

Omarkhayam’s poem comes in my mind. He said “Oh frailty thy name is woman “

In Manu Shaastra, which is a manual of all rules to be followed by HINDUS , it is said , “It is the nature of women to seduce men in this( world ) for that the wise are never unguarded in (the company of ) females. “ Verse 213
The meaning is the wise men will have to be always guarded against such nature of women., which is inherent in their constitution.

Verse 214 further says “ For women are able to lead astray in (this) world not only a fool, but even a learned man, and ( to make) him a slave of desire and anger.

Manu even prohibits men sitting alone with their mothers, sisters or daughters. In verse 215 he says “ One should not sit in a lonely place with one’s mother, sister or daughter, for the senses are powerful, and master even a learned man.

Manu has also prescribed certain rules for women to follow :- ( NOT IN KALI YUGA , I SUPPOSE )

“A girl, woman or even aged one cannot do any thing independently even in her own house .”

“ A woman must never be independent . As a child, she should depend on father, in her youth on her husband and after his death on her son.”

Note :- Many women of these days wants to be independent of their husbands

“ If she desires to separate herself from her father, husband or son, she should make both her OWN and her Husband’s families contemptible”.

Note :- Now-a-days many women divorce their husbands as if just like removing shirts.This happens with men also.

“ She must always be cheerful, clever in the management of household affairs, careful in cleaning her utensils, and economical in expenditure ( the amount given to by her husband ).

“ She has to obey her husband or brother whoever takes responsibility of her and she must not insult his memory after his death.”

“ No sacrifice no vow, no fast must be performed by women apart from their husbands.”

“ A woman can emaciate her body by living on pure flowers, roots and fruit but she must never think of another man after her husband’s death or about remarriage”

“ She has to be patient, self –controlled and chaste and should strive to fulfill the most excellent duty which is prescribed for wives”.


“ If a woman desires to have offspring after her husband’s death and chooses her partner,
will lose her place with her husband in heaven.”

“ Offspring begotten by another manor woman is here not considered lawful, nor is a second husband anywhere prescribed for virtuous woman.”

“ A man can remarry if the wife dies “( Nothing more is told about this. I feel this clause is discriminatory ).

“ Day and night woman must be kept in dependence by the males of their families, and if they attach themselves to sensual enjoyment, they must be kept under one’s control.”

“ The husband should employ his wife in the collection and expenditure of his wealth, in keeping everything clean, in the fulfillment of religious duties, in the preparation of his food, and looking after the household utensils.”

“ Women through their passion for men, through their mutable temper, through their natural heartlessness, they become disloyal towards their husbands, however carefully they may be guarded to in this world.”

“ When creating them, Manu allotted to women , a love of their bed, of their seat and of ornament, impure desires, wrath, dishonesty, malice, and bad conduct. “

“ Whatever be the qualities of man , a woman is united like a river united with the ocean.”

“ A husband must be constantly worshipped as a God by a faithful wife, dthat he is destitute of virtue, or seeking pleasure elsewhere, or devoid of good qualities.”

Manu smruthi contains 2,685 verses but only 1,214 are authentic. However, I doubt whether this can be applied in the present days.

A beautiful Sanskrit poem about the duties of a chaste wife is given below _

“kAryEshu dAsI, karanEshu manthri,
rUpEshu lakshmI, kshshamayA dharithI,
bhojyEshu mAthA, shayanEshu vEshyA
shad dharmayukthA kuladharmapathni.”

The meaning of the above said poem as I conceive is , a wife should be like a servant in work, to look at , must have the grace like Goddess Lakshmi , in patience she must be like mother Earth, While giving food ( to her husband ) must be like a mother and while lying with husband she should behave like a brothel These six golden rules are the qualities of an IDEAL WIFE.

Another poem says about, which of the woman is to be discarded :-

“ vivAda-shIlam swayam-artha-chOriNIm
parA –anukUlam parihAsa – bhAshinIm
agrAsinIm anyagruha-pravEshinIm
thyajanthi bhAryAm dashaputhra-mAthram.”

Meaning of the above poem is a woman who is a wife and who is habituated to quarrel with her husband all the time, who robs house-hold wealth, who is easily accessible to others, who mocks at her husband all the times, who frequents the houses of others and who always eat before her husband eats, is to be discarded even if she is the mother of ten children.

Having high regards for all women in society and especially in Hindu Society, I am of opinion that women having some important parts in their body which men do not have. Hence their duties also vary. They are to look after the off springs and husband and their in –laws, since men will have to go for work to meet the daily needs and expenses. Women are the queens of the house and should be treated accordingly. Although, I am of opinion that the girls are to be educated enough, should not be a criteria for going outside for job since they have to look after the house. This is nothing but sharing the responsibilities equally with men. Now-a-days people want to live in luxury for which they prefer men and women to seek job outside. While we must have enough money to live, I wonder why we should lead a luxurious life ?. Men should understand that the cause of girls/ladies going astray is only because of our own greed. Let women do their duties. Being educated does not mean a woman should go to work outside. She can use her talents to teach her children etc.

I do not agree with the brahmanical way of treating women as said in Manu Smrithi. I also am of the opinion that long back and even after the vedic period started, in India, it was matrilineal society and not patrilineal society. Only after the vedic period developed, patrilineal society started flourishing in India. Women are to be treated at par with men. However, I am of the opinion that women are to be protected. In this respect I agree with Manu neethi “ A woman must never be independent . As a child, she should depend on father, in her youth on her husband and after his death on her son.”. I am also of the view that arranged marriages are good for ladies. The father, mother or any elderly persons if father and mother are not alive, check up about the boy’s/girl’s character, conduct his/her ancestry, educational qualifications , job, personality/ beauty etc, and arrange the marriage. Of course, the caste system in Hindu society plays a crucial part in the selection process. Many of us , still favor, giving girls or getting our boys married in our own castes , for the simple reason that the customs differ from caste to caste. Why among Brahmins from different states and iyers, iyengars, Madhwas, Namboothiris etc are different although we all belong to Rig, Yajur or Saama Veda only.

I know a case which happened recently that a VEERASHAIVATE BOY married an IYER girl. I saw the parents of the boy, who are our family friends,, were very sad even though the boy married only a Brahmin girl.

Before I conclude, it will be pertinent to say about the Brahminical theory of patriarchy. patriarchal Tradition and Naming Customs “Traditionally, most Hindus, Sikhs, Jains, and Buddhists subscribe to the patrilineal principle of kinship, which means that property, office, and family name were all transmitted in the male line from father to son. Under this system, a girl retained her father's family name until she married, when she took her husband's name. Major exceptions to the patrilineal rule were the Nayars, a few other castes in Kerala, and a few tribal groups such as Khasi and Garo in Assam, who followed the matrilineal principle. In this latter system, a person (male or female) inherits the family name, office, and property of the mother and mother's brother, not the father. Since India's independence, many changes have been introduced concerning the traditional rules of inheritance and succession. These have had a greater effect on the matrilineal system than on the patrilineal system, although the wife and the daughter have improved their property rights under the patrilineal joint family system. Generally, however, these legislative changes have not fundamentally altered the traditional naming customs even though some modifications are noticeable. These later changes will be examined later. Significance of Names and the Naming Ceremony In the Hindu tradition, a name not only reveals a person's self-identity, but also his or her cultural, sectarian, varna, and caste identities. Further, it is believed to signal one's spiritual worth not only in this world, but also in the next. For these reasons, the question "What's in a name?" is not to be taken lightly for a Hindu. In everyday life, Hindus give great significance to a name. In both southern and northern India, the first question to be asked when one person meets another is his or her name. For example, in Tamilnadu, the question posed is, "What's your name?" (ungal peyar enna), and this is followed by another question, "What's your native place?" (ungal poranda oor ethu. Similarly, in northern India, the question is, "What's your good name?" (apka shubha nam kya hai). While naming a boy among Iyers, if he is the eldest, then the paternal grand father’s name is given. The second son will be given the maternal grand father’s name. In the same way the paternal grand mother’s name is given to the eldest girl born and maternal grand mother’s name to the second girl child.
All other children born will be given any other ancestor of the father and mother. This practice is in vogue since a long period and helps us to remember our ancestors. Now-a-days, while naming, the old names are changed and new names are given forgetting the goodness of the old system. Among Brahmins, it is a custom to get blessings from elderly people by prostrating before them telling our Gothra, pravara, Veda etc.

I do not know, there are many who have opposed the patriarchal system followed by Hindus as per Manu Dharma Neethi, among whom I am also one. However the fact remains that a woman who is weak has to be protected by men. Again women are kept in high esteem from Vedic period. We are taught to pay our obeisance first to MATHA, then to PITHA, then to GURU and lastly to GOD.

Now, Ladies want to compete with men in all fields, forgetting that their duties are different from the duties of men. However, they want reservation every where. While it is imperative that men are to protect women by looking after them, Ladies are to look after the house and be the queens of the house. I conclude this with all high regards for all ladies whom I consider as mothers .

“Aasthaam tavaddeyam prasoothi samaye durvara soola vyadha,
Nairuchyam thanu soshanam malamayee sayya cha samvatsaree,
Ekasyapi na garbha bara bharana klesasya yasya kshmo dhathum,
Nishkruthi munnathopi thanaya tasya janyai nama. “ Aadi Shankara

Meaning :- “ Oh! Mother while delivering me you underwent severe labour pain,
You became lean and thin by sleeping in my excreta, urine etc.
You undertook the heavy sufferings of carrying me while I was in
your stomach In lieu of this, I can only prostrate before you “

Regards to one and all,

P.R.Radhakrishnan